Ramblings of Someone Who is Tired of the Fear Factor

Why do we allow fear to drive us so much when it comes to what we want to do? I am teaching my kids you can do anything you put your mind to. Find your passion and create a position for yourself that will make you money so you can enjoy life and the biggest lesson of all DO NOT Settle! That is what I am telling them. I am not telling them that their ideas are wrong or don’t do that or this because how will you ever be able to make a living. Somewhere society has made it so that if the chances of making money at a certain profession is lower than average you shouldn’t go into it. What you are really saying to someone is I don’t have faith that you have what it takes to make it happen. If others have been successful at whatever that specific profession is than why are we not encouraging those who are passionate to go after their dreams and work to make it happen. Whether you want to be an actress or a doctor it doesn’t matter because you can fail at either. However, you can also succeed at either if you are passionate, believe you are worth it and get creative in finding ways to make money at it. For example- so many actors who may or may not have made it to Broadway or film have decided to teach because their passion for the arts is so great that they get to share that inspiration with students who have aspirations as well. It is almost like the circle of life. Inspire and be inspired. You want to become a doctor, but don’t want all of the college debt or time that goes along with it – there are many other professions you can take on along the way that help others. The point is when did we decide that pushing those away from their calling is better than encouraging them to do what they love and be who they want to be. Whenever I talk about what I want to do next people turn to me and say don’t forget you have to eat and work scare me not to make a change. Well, what you are saying is I have to be afraid that I won’t eat and my family won’t eat, so I need to settle. Why? If when we were younger our family would have said to us do what you love and the money will follow where would we be now? Some people didn’t listen to their family and friends and decided to follow their dream and maybe they struggled to make a living, but I know several who got creative and figured out how to think outside the box and make it work for them. From actors who decided to be coaches or teachers to those who wanted to go into healthcare to help people to instead found their calling by helping people through working in the non-profit field. Let’s stop telling each other who we should be or the path that we should be on. Let’s allow and encourage others to be who they want to be and do what they want to do. We do only have one life. I am not saying everyone should quit their jobs, but about 95% of the people I know complain about what they are doing currently and speak of the things they wish they would have done as if their life is over and they no longer have the opportunity to do it. We hold ourselves back with excuses and fear. I am not trying to be cold. I am being honest. When are we allowed to go after what we want? Are we only able to do that at 18? Just because we have families and responsibilities doesn’t mean we have to give up on our dreams. When you do you are saying what you feel and want no longer counts or matters.

Picture this, your life is done – you know it’s over and you are saying goodbye to your loved ones. You spent 60-70 hours at work every week for 45 years. Are you at this moment thinking about how much you accomplished in your life and in your profession and you are feeling proud of both or are you having regret because you never spent any time with your family and what you did every week for 45 years was not what you really wanted to do?

If today is the only day you are given then what are you doing to get you closer to where you want to be? We all seem to be waiting for the magic bullet, the lottery win, the special sauce or magic potion that is going to make us rich, keep us looking young and create the inner and outer happiness that we have always wanted. Well, unfortunately or fortunately you have the opportunity to create all of that. It is truly your decision. You may not win the lottery and your bank account may not have $1M in it, but if your emotional bank account is empty all the money in the world won’t be able to change that. Fulfillment may be easier with cash at hand, but there are many very rich people who are not fulfilled and feel very empty. How do you create both? I know this is going to sound hard to believe – by you believing you deserve it and it is possible for it to become a reality. Manifesting what it is you want is the first step. Knowing that it is on its way is the second and taking small steps every day towards making the impossible, possible.  Baby steps count!

When someone tells you your idea of doing whatever it is you want to do is not going to make you enough money what are you going to say?

My daughter wants to go into film. There are not many female directors, but there are some and those that are doing it stand out and are well regarded. If I tell my daughter that she shouldn’t go into that field because the likelihood is that she may not succeed than I am telling her that she is not as good as the ones that have. Is that true? No… Instead I am telling her do what you love and if it is that important than work to creatively create a position for yourself. Think outside the box and know that as long as you believe you can, you will. Why, because others did and if it doesn’t work out it’s not a back-up plan you need its outside of the box thinking to creatively get you to where you want to go. Don’t settle! Doesn’t mean she will not work to make money doing other things along the way as she continues to keep her eye on the prize, networks, and interns in order to get her closer.

I went to the doctor a few days ago because I was sick and told him I was feeling tired because I am working three jobs. One full time to pay the bills and give me and my kids health insurance, one that I went back to school for because I so badly wanted to help people and another in honor of my Dad that will help others who love to be in the performing arts. He told me to give up the latter because I need to be able to eat and that way I won’t be so overwhelmed. So, I should give up the one I enjoy the most that has the potential to help so many and provide me and my family fulfillment? That is sad advice. He didn’t even ask what I wanted.  I didn’t say I wanted to give up anything. I just know I need to take better care of myself. How would he have felt if someone told him along the way becoming a doctor costs too much money, so sorry but you will have to give that up and become a janitor? Would he have? Now there is nothing wrong with being a janitor. I say if you want to be a janitor than be the best janitor ever. Give whatever it is you want to do 100%. Come up with creative ways to take your passion to a level that it can support you, but don’t give up on your dream out of fear. If someone else has made a lot of money doing whatever it is you want to do, why can’t you? What makes that person better than you?

The fear factor drives so many and I am working on not allowing it to drive me. It is hard because I have been programmed that way as we all have. I am working on not allowing that fear factor to spill over to what  I am teaching my kids. I am not saying be a dreamer, but I am saying who said you can’t have a dream and it make it a reality?

Where else in your life are you allowing fear to drive your decisions?

 

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Reconnecting

When we are children we tend to be more focused and connected to our ideas and aspirations. We have no idea how we are going to make them happen, but we believe anything can happen and that anything is possible.

Think about how many times people asked you, when you were younger what do you want to be when you grew up? They wanted you to give yourself a title and if it wasn’t the title that they were connected with or possibly thought you would make good enough money doing, then they would try to talk you out of it, or just yes you and say, “Oh, you are such a dreamer.”  Well, maybe you are or maybe even at a young age you were just truly connected to who you wanted to be.  Who says you cannot achieve all that you want in life? Who makes the rules?

Fast forward years later you have a career, you are now married with kids, you have a core group of friends you rarely meet up with because you are so busy, you have pets, and own a house. Now you have a ton of titles from mother or father to employee, or employer, to cook, cleaner, chauffeur, etc.  Our connection to our aspirations and ideas may no longer be in the forefront of our minds.  As, the titles pile up and the responsibility piles on we are now buried under all of it and are the farthest we have ever been with connecting to our true authentic self.

I asked someone the other day after over 20 years in a career that she enjoyed, “Who are you? What do you want in the next chapter of your life?” It is kind of funny because now the question at this point is who are you now that you are all grown up?  That does not only mean in your career, that means in life in general.   She looked at me and said, “I don’t know.”  Her words, “I have been in the same industry for a good part of my life.  I raised my son and I grew within the organization I worked in. I cooked dinners, I made beds, I took my son to school and went to all his games and now that he is graduating high school, I won’t be doing most of those things anymore.  I am stuck thinking who am I?  Where do I go from here?  I feel lost.”  Of course, that is the start of empty nest syndrome.  However, my point is you don’t have to wait until your kids grow up or any other reason to give yourself permission to connect internally with who you are and allow yourself to go after the things you want in your life.  You are allowed at any age to have hopes, dreams, aspirations and more importantly to take the steps necessary to go after them.  So many of my clients are those who are unsure about what their passion even is and what they are interested in doing in the next phase of their life.  They actually feel guilty if they allow themselves at this stage of their life to focus on themselves because they have so much responsibility.

In a coaching session we start by going back to the basics of learning how to listen and give yourself permission to listen to your inner voice. In essence, re-connect with yourself. The answers are in there. They are just like buried treasure.  This time it’s because fear is playing a role, time management issues are playing a role, and quite possibly our logical brain is telling us we can’t and shouldn’t. Two words I tell everyone to take totally out of their vocabulary because neither leaves you with a positive feeling after you say them to anyone or to yourself.

I recently worked with a client who has two kids and a full time job. Her dream was to become an interior designer and she started school, but couldn’t find the time anymore to get the work done.  When we met her first words were, “I can’t do it.  I want to get my degree, but I have no time to fit it in.” She was feeling frustrated and disappointed in the fact that she was struggling.  We went through some exercises to find out if that was, in fact really what she was passionate about.  She worked on reconnecting to the passion of when she first started to go back to school and fast forward only a few short months later she has her degree and now she has her own business.  She is truly ready to go into the next phase of her career.  She could have continued to tell herself she has no time and that it didn’t really matter anyway, but instead she believed that she deserved the opportunity to reconnect with herself. By reconnecting in one aspect of your life it helps you in other aspects of your life.

So, who are you now that you are all grown up? Anything is possible!

For more information about Connection Coaching please email Jodi at jodi@todayisthedayliveit.com.

Today is the Day!  Live it!

Jodi

Welcome 2016!

 

The New Year brings new hope, new opportunities, new thoughts, new ideas, maybe even a new You.

Wait a minute – why don’t we have that opportunity every day? We actually do, but together worldwide we celebrate the start of a New Year and view it as an opportunity to create something totally brand new.  It’s like we are all starting at the same time.  Almost like someone somewhere universally is yelling ready, set, go! 

Personally, I don’t think we should short change ourselves and just think that has to happen when the calendar changes. We can choose to make things happen whenever we feel like we are starting to move away from our intended goal and take a moment to recharge the battery to get us back on track.  

As of last night many have made  New Year’s resolutions, others may have just decided that this is the year they are going to make some changes in their lives, but decided not to call them goals.

Somewhere between January 1 and Dec. 31st I’ve heard people talk about the dreaded resolution regret.  Resolution regret is when you set the resolution and regret the fact that you never lived up to it.  It unfortunately brings with it the feeling of failure, loss, defeat and of course all of the ‘I should haves’. 

Why, you may ask, do we set goals each year and say this year is going to be different or I am going to achieve and live by these resolutions and then don’t, and then say ok I’ll try again next year? It doesn’t have to be that way.  We have the tools to change that line of thinking mid-year if needed or one month in. 

Thought I would share a  personal resolution story:

2014 Resolution Jar

The picture of the jar above is a picture of a jar I decorated. It took me time to think about all the words I wanted to paint on that jar.  I am so not creative, so I had to get over the fact I knew that and move on…… I wanted it to be special and symbolic and inspirational.  I actually saw this project on Facebook and thought it was kind of creative. I painted it on Dec. 31, 2013. I bought special paper to cut into strips to put in the jar.  My resolution was that on those strips I was going to write down what I was either grateful for from each day of the year or what happened that day that made me happy.  I then was going to read the strips of paper on Dec. 31, 2014 so that I could remember the highlights from the year.

As you can see, there are no strips in the jar. Why is that you may ask?  I had the paper and the jar was decorated.  Well, I never cut the special paper in strips.  I had no plan of when I was going to find the time to write down the things I experienced that I wanted to remember.  You see I thought it would naturally just happen.  So, for the first few days I thought in my head what I wanted to write on the paper when I found the time to cut the strips.  It seems I couldn’t even find five minutes to cut the paper, but how committed was I to doing this?  Then, I felt guilty for missing the first few weeks and thought ‘oh well, never mind’. Now I can’t find where I put the paper anyway.  (Does any of that sound familiar to you?  The excuses I mean?)   I had moments of guilt throughout that entire year as to why I had not taken five minutes to make this happen.  But, wait I went out to buy the jar, I bought the paper, I decorated the jar, I made the time for all of that. Why did it bother me so much that I was late in getting things written down that I just said forget it? That was the perfectionist in me talking.  If not done right, don’t do it at all. Why couldn’t I find the paper?  That was the person who was too busy feeling overwhelmed to even look.  What did I gain from all this negative self-talk?  Nothing – an empty jar as a reminder of what I didn’t accomplish, but for me now it represents a lot more.  I paid attention and learned a lot about myself and about my thinking process. Maybe the resolution wasn’t supposed to be what I intended.  Maybe as much as I wanted a memory from each day that year I needed to first take a look at how I was going about life.  I know kind of deep, right?  The way you do anything is the way you do everything and as you can see that had to change.

2016 box

Now the above picture is the 2016 version.  It will continue to be a work in progress, but has four sides of pictures of inspirational sayings.  I am calling it my vision cube as opposed to a vision board. The blank strips of paper are cut and there is a pen in the box ready for grateful action.  The first piece of paper with the first thing I am grateful for in 2016 is in there.  I will be writing these things down right before I turn out the lights every night.  This cube is now placed on my nightstand.  

You see now it’s not just a goal to fill the cube with memories – it’s a goal with a plan and one other word that I didn’t have last go around – commitment. I am committed to doing this daily and if I miss one day I know I will feel a little pang about it, but it will not stop me from continuing to share what I want to remember from the days past.  No reason I cannot go back a day. Why does perfectionism have to cost me the entire process?

Your diet may start today, but what is your plan for sticking to it should something come up that pulls you from it, changing your job in 2016 may be on your list of resolutions, but what is your plan for making that happen and what is the end goal date that you want to make this change. You may have a goal around doing more for you in 2016, but not much is probably going to change in way of how many things are on your to do list, so what is your plan for making that time and when during the week or day will you put the time aside and how long each time will you take for you? 

Whatever you plan on doing no matter what time of year, a goal with a plan is so much better than just a goal without any steps of how to get there and include a little forgiveness if somehow you veer off the track as long as you get right back on.  What about paying attention to what made you change course, so you can better understand what may make you go off course in the future and you can have a contingency plan.  Us perfectionists sometimes use veering off as a way to not move forward because the setting isn’t perfect.  Well, no more excuses! 

If you haven’t started or don’t know where to begin when making a resolution or setting goals because it seems so overwhelming, here are some questions and tips that may help you to put some things in motion.

Questions to ask yourself:

  1. What has been on my mind that I know I want to accomplish, but have allowed obstacles large or small to get in my way?
  2. What have I wished and dreamed of, but have allowed fear to hold me back from doing?
  3. When was the last time I made a resolution and thought forget about it I can never accomplish that?

Tips for accomplishing:

  1. Once your goal is set you need to put together a plan on how to get you from point a to point b.  It can be small steps.  Remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day!
  2. Work towards reaching your goal by putting time aside each day/week or month depending on the goal.  If its losing weight for instance you would need to keep up with it daily.  You could keep a food and exercise journal. 
  3. Keep reminding yourself of your commitment and why this is important to you. It will keep you organized and on track.
  4. Positive self-talk is so important.  Once your inner voice starts with the should have or could haves it’s time to turn those words into I am and I will.  You cannot go back if something comes up that you feel bad about that you could have done differently, so think about moving forward, not backward.
  5. Celebrate – your decision to create a resolution, the first step and each step you take after that as you get yourself closer to the end result.  You got this! 

So, this blog is not just about making  New Year’s resolutions and sticking to them. It’s about setting a goal any time of year, no matter when the thought comes to your mind, and creating a plan that you can be proud of and follow, so that you are not waiting until Dec. 31, 2016 with regret saying I plan on trying again in 2017.  Oh, and by the way, if you have a goal that is going to take you to 2020 to do that is ok, as long as you have a plan of what you want to accomplish each year leading up to 2020. 

One last thing – after the goal is achieved – how will you celebrate? I would love to know how you celebrate your best YOU when you have achieved something you have worked for or have met some sort of milestone. (There were a lot of you’s in that one sentence!) Please share how you celebrate your wins and who celebrates with you!  We spend so much time on the inner work and setting the goals and working towards them that we don’t take a time out and give ourselves the high fives we deserve along with a few minutes to pull off our favorite Happy Dance or as I call it the Dance of Joy!  Taking the time to celebrate your great wonderful self will only give you the energy you need to set that next goal.  Happy New Year to YOU!~

Please share your wins with me and how you celebrate.  Would love to read about them!

Remember Today is the Day!

Jodi

 

Bangs

So for all the years that I can remember I had worn bangs to cover what I thought was a larger forehead than I would have liked.  I know writing about bangs sounds a bit strange, but just humor me for a minute.  Thanks!

Recently I have realized that my bangs represent something more than just what they are called.  All of my life they were a pain because I have a major cowlick, so of course they never would stay straight for long.  Every picture I was in I was self-conscious about.  I was constantly fixing them – trying to get them to stay in one place.  Again, always thinking about the forehead and then as I got older the thought of growing them out was not going to happen because now I had a few lines on my forehead.  Battle scars of aging I guess. I kept thinking why keeping them was so important to me all these years.  Was it really about my looks?  Part of it of course was about what others would think. That is normal, but why do we let it hold us back?

I had more of a realization though, I just didn’t want to show my entire face. I realized I was hiding.  Maybe it was because I really was shy when I was a kid or that I had gotten hurt many times throughout my life.  I have always been really sensitive. I believe without even realizing it they became a symbolic way to protect myself.

Well, no more!!! The cowlick has won and now I am moving those bangs over and showing my eyes, forehead, lines, flaws and all.  Right now, it is funny because they are at a weird stage – they are too short to really even be considered side bangs, so it doesn’t look all that great, but I am no longer hiding.  For now I stand vulnerable, but cautious.  I am open, more open than ever to the signs that are around me, which means I am feeling and allowing myself to be present.  Amazing what you can come up with when you decide to open yourself up more and grow out your bangs!

What have you been trying to fight against, but are getting the signs to move forward? How long have you been in the fight?  What happens when you try to fit a round peg in a square hole or in my case kinked bangs that you want to stay straight?  If it doesn’t fit or work what happens?  Nothing…..  You just end up frustrated like I did – looking a mess.

Today is the day, your day!  Don’t let the bangs hold you back!

All the best,

Jodi